


you get 25 percent of the bill and 100 percent of my heart

by yellowluckycat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Femboy hooters, M/M, kakairu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25288333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowluckycat/pseuds/yellowluckycat
Summary: femboy hooters!au iruka is a waiter and kakashi sucks at flirting
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

_Rock DJ_ by _Robin Williams_ was coming through the speakers and Iruka couldn’t help but dance to the beat as he rolled in his skates to the table he was waiting. His coworkers doing the same and laughing. _Working in a Femboy Hooters wasn’t that bad,_ he thought as he took the $20 tip from his customer. He left the beverage and food with a smile. The attractive man with alluring tan skin and good-looking body was making his way back to the kitchen when he heard the door open and went there to receive the new clients. 

_O_ _h m_ _y g_ _od,_ he thought when he saw him and kept staring at him. And when he saw him smile, he swore he had never ever seen someone as handsome as the man in front of him. This guy was a little bit taller than him, white hair and had the most beautiful smile and- Iruka came back to his senses when the other man – with weird brows and an ugly green sweater - besides the tall man yelled _“Ah! The power of youth, so beautiful and full of energy, I am sure you are going to like it Kakashi!_

Kakashi was amazed with the waiter’s handsomeness. He eyed him from head to toe falling instantly for him, he was just his type. And those short, orange and tight shorts were going to be the death of him and he was going to keep staring when he heard an unknown but sweet voice. 

_“Good morning, I’m Iruka and I will be your waiter today. What can I get you folks today?”_ Iruka said with a nervous smile on his face. 

_“Hello Iruka! I want barbeq-”_ The man with weird eyebrows started to speak, ready to order but he was interrupted. 

_“Excuse me, what was your name again?”_ Kakashi asked the waiter. _“Oh, my name is Ir-”_

 _“Or can I call you mine?”_ He said as he winked an eye to the now blushed waiter, not caring about his friend Gai and another waiter who was near them laughing at his cheesy pick up line. 

_“In that case, I forgot my name too. But you can call me yours”_ Iruka said with confidence and now Kakashi was the one blushing. _“Ok, so what can I get you?”_ He asked again and wrote down whatever the green sweater man wanted, not taking his eyes off Kakashi. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Do I know you?” “Yes, you do. You come here every single day” “Cause you look like my next boyfriend” 

Iruka sighed with a smile as he hit Kakashi’s head softly with his notebook and went to another table on his roller skates. He thought the pick-up lines were kinda cheesy and mostly from Pinterest, however he appreciated them. Those attempts at flirting made his day easier and hilarious. But little did he know, that he was starting to fell for the cute and dork with white hair. 

After he brought the ultra-spicy wings and third round of beer to the table, he rolled back to the one where Kakashi was sitting and sat down. He wanted to get to know him better and his break time was a perfect moment to talk with him. 

“Here, for you. It’s on the house” Iruka said as he put on the table a red plate with fries. Kakashi opened his mouth, and the waiter was sure that he was going to say another pick-up line. “And before you say something” Kakashi closed his mouth, putting his arms on the table and listening to the charming waiter, “What do you do for a living?” They were both eating the fries now. Kakashi smiled and replied, “I am a nudity photographer, would you like to be my model for the night?” Iruka laughed thinking that was another of his puns, but stopped when he saw the man in front of him with a serious look on his face. 

“Are you seriously a nudity photographer?” The waiter was shocked, he didn’t expect Kakashi to be a photographer, _and_ a nudity photographer. That meant he has seen lots of bodies and people in different poses and-, “I’m not a nudity photographer, but I am, indeed, a photographer” The white-haired boy laughed, “but I can try with you if you want to” he finished as he try to wink at Iruka and closing both his eyes. Iruka just giggled at the dumbass in front of him. 

“Thank you, but I’m not a model” The attendant declared. Eating the last fry. 

“What! You're so beautiful, your birthday should be a national holiday” Another pick-up line, “No, but being serious. Iruka, you are really pretty and I would do anything for you to take pictures of you” Kakashi added. 

“Anything, you say” “Anything!” And as soon as Iruka heard his answer he stood up and took Kakashi to the dance zone next to the bar. “Dance with me then”, he said as he offered him a pair of rollers skates. “B-but I don’t know how to skate, or dance!” 

“So what? I’ll show you” The waiter said with an inviting tone on his voice. _How could you resist him_ , Kakashi thought to himself as Iruka took his hand and dragged him to the dancefloor. The room was kinda dark with neon lights being the only source of light, people were roller skating already but it wasn’t that packed. The atmosphere filled with 80’s vibes and teasing glances. 

_Superstar_ by _Majid Jordan_ came through the speakers and Iruka started to dance, as he pulled Kakashi. He liked that song. “You know, for a beginner you aren’t that bad” he said, “I like it”. Kakashi just blushed and relaxed himself, feeling nervous but excited. Iruka slowly moved forward pulling Kakashi just to stop and dance against him, the taller man put his hands on the other’s waist but Iruka smacked him, “No touching”. 

“That’s not fair” he said as he held up their intertwined hands to spin Iruka. “Hmm, don’t care” he replied with a chuckle. 

“I like you” Kakashi said and moved closer to him. 

“I know” Iruka told him with a smile on his face as he stood up on his tip toes to kiss him in the nose. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Hard To_ _Say Goodbye_ by _Washed Out_ came next on the photographer’s playlist and filled the white room with good vibes. _That’s a great song to roller skate_ , the waiter thought as he was taking off his shirt and styling his hair in a man bun for the next photos.

Iruka was in Kakashi’s white and kind of minimalist living room for the photoshoot he promised to do. And you may wonder, _how did he end up there?_ Shirtless and Kakashi taking him photos. Well, let’s go back to last Friday.

_ “I would do anything for you to take pictures of you” _

_ “Anything, you say” _ __

_ “Anything!” _ __

_ “Dance with me then” _

_ “B-but I don’t know how to skate, or dance!” _ __

And now, he had to be a model. “Could you look to the side, please?” The taller man said with a soft voice, and Iruka turned his head with a serious look and heard Kakashi take the photo, but didn’t last long when he saw a cute dog laying on a blue pillow and smiled. The camera flashed, “Oh, sorry. I got a little distracted with your dog” he said as he walked over to pet the dog. Kakashi stared his camera, he was internally gay panicking watching Iruka’s big smile and tanned skin, that was definitely the best photo he had ever taken. “You know, you could really be a model if you want to” he told the waiter, but the other one was playing with his dog and laughing. The camera flashed again and Iruka turned to see Kakashi with tears on his eyes with his camera pointed at them.

“HEY, WHY ARE YOU CRYING, PLEASE DON’T CRY” 

“You’re just too beautiful, I can’t take it” 

Both blushed, both laughed and both felt butterflies in their stomachs. Time passed faster than they expected, and it was already dark outside. Iruka was now all dressed up playing with Pakkun, the small dog and Kakashi was thinking if he should ask Iruka to stay or let him go, “Hey Iruka”.

“Hmm?” He kept playing with the dog, “Would you, uh, like to stay tonight? I mean, it’s  kinda late for you to go”, now Iruka looked at him. “Shoot! I didn’t realize it’s night already”, he said quickly standing up not after he petted  Pakkun one more time and started looking for his things to leave. “You can stay tonight; I have some extra pajamas and I’m sure my dog loves you even more than he loves me. C’mon, it’s late. Let me cook dinner” He couldn’t even say something before Kakashi went to his kitchen, so he sat down on the floor with his new little friend.

And then, it hit him. He was going to stay at Kakashi’s house, just the two of them, together, alone inside four walls. He covered his blushed face with his hands already regretting his decision. _Ah, who cares. He is handsome as hell_ , he thought as he walked in the kitchen to help him cook.

“ Watcha doin’?” He asked him sitting on the counter.

“Do you like bacon?  Wanna strip?” Kakashi stopped cooking and winked at him, closing his both eyes, again. Iruka just laughed and Kakashi kept cooking, but immediately turned his head watching Iruka taking of his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans.

“IT WAS A JOKE, PLEASE COVER YOURSELF” He yelled at the waiter while he covered his red face. Iruka laughed again and dressed himself, it was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one sUCKS ajsjasjasjs, love y'all, thank you for reading this c:


	4. Chapter 4

Iruka happily made his way through the restaurant with chicken wings, nuggets and an hamburger on a tray, he never in his life thought about Hooters but Femboy edition. Though he loved how his body looked in a tank top smaller his size and some orange tight shorts, and even better, he had roller skates. He was, easily, the most enchanting and friendly waiter there. Once he gave the change to a regular and said goodbye with a smile, he rolled back to Kakashi’s table to talk for a bit. It’s been two months since they met and two weeks since he slept at Kakashi’s. 

The photographer was expecting his neighbors to complain about all the noise they made in bed, Iruka laugh roared in his room when he told him about the time he was bald for months when he used his mother’s cream to shave legs for shampoo or the time he got an obvious scar under his left eye when he tried to fight four cats at the same time. He could spend the rest of his life with him and it would be perfect. Making the last improvements to Iruka’s photos he didn’t notice the cute waiter in front of him and quickly closed his laptop. 

“Hi”, the waiter smiled and the white-haired boy did too, “how are y-”. 

“Did you just come out the oven? Cause you’re hot”, he cut him off and winked at him with both eyes. Again. The waiter giggled and Kakashi fell in love for the seventh time that day, he could hear his laugh forever and be the happiest man alive. 

“Shut up and eat”, Iruka laughed and stood up to continue working. Alone again, he kept working on the pictures. _These are perfect for my next portfolio_ , he thought. 

Some fries, chicken wings and some dumb pick-up lines after and it was already afternoon. _Youngblood_ by _5 Seconds of Summer_ came on the speakers. Kakashi was still there waiting for his precious waiter and Iruka was in a table serving the food, rolling back to the kitchen until he felt someone smacking his butt. He turned around to face the person not realizing Kakashi was already walking towards them. 

“Excuse me, that was rude. Please do not do it again or-”, the waiter said politely with a frown; Kakashi had never felt angrier at someone. “Or else what sweet cheeks, what are you gonna do?” The bad-mannered customer stood up to scare him, but Iruka feared nothing being used to this. And before he could open his mouth to threat him, in a respectful way of course, the client was already laying on the floor with a bleeding noise and kinda blacked out. 

Like every other worker, he has good and bad days. Good meant getting lots of tips and having the chance to talk with Kakashi between his shift and bad meant being molested by weirdos. Today was a mix of both. 

He turned around to see who punched him and thank him with some free wings, it was Kakashi. And he seemed annoyed. “Hey, calm down, it’s okay", he tried to calm him, but was ignored. Everybody watched him when he grabbed the man’s shirt and told him, “You better, _listen to me!_ You better not touch him one more time or everyone else here, or I’ll make sure you never get to see the sun again”, he roared. _Hehe, I’m scared but kinda turned on at the same time_ , Iruka thought as he quietly watched him. 

The man left the local trembling and sobbing and everyone cheered at Kakashi. But he just stood up to hug Iruka. 

“Are you ok? I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up, oh my god I just punched a man, is that ok? Are you ok? I was afraid he was going to fight back because if that was the case, I would be dead like, look at me! I’m a noodle”, _a_ _noodle?_ , Iruka thought as he hugged him back. That boy was built like a god. “I didn’t want that to happen but I was worried about you and I wanted to do something and-”. He would continue rambling if Iruka hadn’t dragged him to the exit. 

“Why are we outside? What if he’s waiting for me to come out and fig-” 

He was cut off by Iruka’s lips. They were both shook. How the hell did they end up kissing under a flickering street light and next to a dumper? A pair of pale hands shaking with love and nervousness made their way to Iruka’s cheeks and another pair of tanned hands made their way to Kakashi’s neck. Lips moving in a slow pace, bodies getting closer and butterflies flying on their stomachs was the perfect way to end the day. 

Trying to breathe, they separated and stared at each other’s eyes. 

“Thank you, Kakashi”, the waiter said with warmth on his voice. 

“Everything for you sweetheart, I just want you to be okay. I’m sorry you had to experience that”. Silence. 

“Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean. And I don’t mind being lost at sea”, he added after a while. Winking. With both eyes. Again. Iruka promised himself to teach him how to wink for sure. 

“My eyes are brown”, the waiter immediately replied with a smile. 

“Uh, I, _uh_ ”, Kakashi suddenly became nervous and started to stutter looking for an excuse, face completely red. But Iruka just chuckled and dragged him back to the local to get his things and leave. 


	5. Chapter 5

They knew each other for two months already and Iruka was falling even more for him. The pick-up lines, he first thought they were cheesy, were starting to rile him up and blush every time Kakashi said them. 

“My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in”. Monday, 9:00 in the morning. 

“Do you like sales? Because if you’re looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place”. Tuesday, 2:00 in the afternoon. 

“Can I borrow your phone? I need to call God and tell him I've found his missing angel”. Wednesday, just about to open Femboy Hooters. 

“If you were a baker, I’d fill your buns with cream”. Thursday, just about to close the restaurant. 

“Your body is about 65 percent of water and I’m thirsty”. Friday, 5:00 in the morning, via text message. 

Iruka laughed every time and kissed Kakashi’s cheek smiling at him. It became a routine for them and they seem to like it. However, they were still waiter and client. None of them were brave enough to blurt out their feelings. 

“They are so dumb”, Kotetsu said to the other waiter behind the counter. 

“I bet $20 Iruka is the first one to ask him out. I mean, just look at him. He is clearly head over heels for him”, Genma said rolling towards him with a stray on hand. 

“Nah, I’m rooting for the hot ass customer”, “Hey! I am your boyfriend, don’t even look at him!”. Both waiters kept arguing who was going to confess first they didn’t notice Iruka listened the whole thing. Take it or leave it by Cage The Elephant, came through the speakers. 

_Maybe that isn’t a bad idea, he seems to like me and he’s also handsome and cute and taller than me and has nice house. I like his dog too. I_ _kinda_ _like him too. I KINDA LIKE HIM TOO?_ , Iruka thought and gay panicked for the 3rd time that day and it was only Monday. He stared at the boy who made his heart beat faster and his knees weak, he had some fried fries in his nostrils and were making silly faces at him. And his laugh roared through the place, not giving a damn about the people watching he rolled towards Kakashi, determined to ask him out. 

HE slammed his hands on the table, Kakashi jumped. “You, me, tomorrow at a café. 5 o’clock, don’t be late, it’s a date. I’ll text you the address”, Iruka ordered him and Kakashi instantly threw the fries. 

“WHAT”, blushed, he asked. But the waiter rolled back to the kitchen with a smirk, disappearing from his view. Kakashi was speechless. He was supposed to be the one to ask him on a date! Not the other way around! He stared at the fries and thought about the whole itinerary he spent hours planning just to be ruined in seconds. 

At 2 o’clock he was going to pick up Iruka from his house. 

At 3 o’clock they were going to eat at Burger King and take photos with the cute crowns. 

At 5 o´clock they were going to visit the new aquarium, play with otters and feed the dolphins. 

At 9 o’clock they were going to go to a dog shelter and adopt a cute dog together. 

At 10 o’clock they would be eating dinner in his house with their two dogs. 

At 12 o’clock he was supposed to ask Iruka to be his boyfriend, with fireworks and romantic music in the background. 

He sighed and texted his best friend to sulk about his ruined plans. In a matter of seconds, he received a long ass paragraph full of exclamation marks, everything in capital letter and with some dumb happy emojis. 

“DO NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT KAKASHI, AT LEAST YOU GOT A DATE!!!!! MY ETERNAL RIVAL AND BEST FRIEND YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY AND SPARKLING. (ง ˃ ³ ˂)ว ⁼³₌₃⁼³ (ง ˃ ³ ˂)ว ⁼³₌₃⁼³ THE CUTE WAITER ASKED YOU OUT !!!! MAYBE HE FEELS THE SAME WAY YOU DO !!!!!!! ENJOY THE PURE AND BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAN WHO ASKS FOR YOUR PRESENCE *‧.₊˚*੭*ˊᵕˋ੭.*, MAYBE HE IS MEANT FOR YOU (ʃƪ˘⌣˘) AND... !!!” 

Not caring about the rest of it he realized his friend was right. There was no time to sulk about spilt milk, he got a date with Iruka! He was thriving with happiness. Immediately he opened Pinterest to look for pickup lines for his soon-to-be-boyfriend. 


End file.
